His Side: The Man Cave -- aka The Matrix

We men are strange creatures. We are taught from a young age to be strong and unemotional, and we are told that we need to be the foundation for our families. We were raised by men who admired John Wayne and Charles Bronson, but when did you ever see them shed a tear? Deep inside, men are bursting with emotions. Where do these emotions go? Deep into the man cave.

We don't need the man cave early in a relationship. When life brings us together with someone who is perfect for us, everything is great...until little things change. Then those little things stir up our emotions, and we have to either face those emotions head on and grow our relationship, or, retreat full speed into our man cave for safety. Personally, the man cave has always been my preference.

Why do we men run to our man cave? Here's our biggest secret: the man cave is like the virtual world in the 1999 movie called The Matrix. It is a place where we always win arguments, where our spouses are like stepford wives, and where we manifest our insecurities. In this virtual world, we transpose our failures, fears, and frustrations onto those we love most, our spouses. We turn them into monsters rather than ourselves. We give them personalities that are nothing like the real person. We conjure up scenarios that fault them for our failures because we are to afraid to face them ourselves.

Yes, this all happens in a virtual world, but it happens as we gaze into our spouse's eyes. They think everything is okay, not knowing that we have conjured up this fake world and are experiencing pain and rejection in their "virtual" hands. When the question, "Honey are you ok?" comes, we respond, "Yeah, great." Never do we open that door and let our fears or past hurts out. Never do we say, "No, something is wrong. I feel..." and NEVER do we allow ourselves to feel.

The man cave is the place where we rule supreme, and there can be only one supreme ruler in the man cave.  In reality, it's a haven for excuses; a place where men go to "camp" rather then to climb to the next level of a relationship, and it is a place where we feel totally in control.

Why do we run to the man cave? Some of us do not have the tools to do anything otherwise, some of us would rather live in a fantasy world than experience the real world, and lastly, because some of us are simply cowards.